“To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.” - Ecclesiastes 3:1

Visiting Hospice Patients: Top 5 Questions Answered

If you know someone in hospice care, you may have concerns about visiting. You might be wondering what to say to someone in hospice, or what to bring to someone in hospice? Furthermore, you may be wondering if your visit will disturb them? Or make them feel worse?

These are all valid questions, and their answers may depend on specific circumstances. However, there is one question that has a very clear answer. That is, should you visit? The answer is a resounding yes!

Connection to family, friends, and loved ones is one of the most important aspects of a rich end-of-life transition. We encourage patients and loved ones to spend as much time together as they can. To help you make the most of your visits, we’ve taken the time to answer five of the important and frequently asked questions regarding visiting hospice patients.

1. What should I bring?

Family and friends will often ask what to bring someone in hospice. Every patient is different, and their needs will change as time passes. Therefore, it’s a good idea to speak to a caregiver about what is appropriate at any given stage. However, here are some generally well-received hospice patient gift ideas.

For loved ones in hospice, flowers are typically okay and can be a fantastic mood booster. Another common go-to is food! Many hospice patients would love to get a taste of home by having their favorite meal or treat brought in. When bringing either flowers or food, always make sure to run it by their caregiver first, as some medications may make them more sensitive to pollen or may cause a decreased appetite. However, if their caregiver approves it, either of these gifts are sure to brighten their spirits!

There are many excellent gifts to leave. Magazines, books, movies, or artwork can help bring joy and interest to lonely times. However, the absolute best thing you bring is yourself. Your companionship and conversation will bless them infinitely more than any gift.

2. What should we talk about?

Figuring out what to say when someone goes into hospice can be tough. However, there’s no reason to talk about death or sickness unless they want to. On the other hand, if that’s what they want to talk about, that’s ok, too. The most important thing is to be there for them.  For lighter conversation, however, here are some good starters.

Memories are always a good idea. Bringing photos or keepsakes of happy memories can be a great blessing to them. If they are able, take along a favorite movie or some music they love. This can be a fun and lighthearted way to divert from talking or thinking about difficult subjects.

Another wonderful idea is to letters or videos from those who cannot visit. Have distant relatives or friends record messages or write letters and share them together. You can also bring a video of their pets if they are unable to see them. Any opportunity to connect with the joy of their life can be extremely meaningful.

3. Who should visit?

The simplest answer is that anyone who has played a significant role in their life should visit. Friends, family members, co-workers they are close to, and clergy are all good suggestions. The best way to know, however, is to ask your loved one who they would like to see. Take note and try to accommodate their wishes as best you can. Reaching out to people and asking them to visit may be awkward, but it will mean a lot and it will bring joy to your loved one.

It is also a good idea to consider the stress level of certain relationships. This does not mean to avoid difficult visits altogether. If a relationship is strained, reconciliation is a powerful healer if it is possible. Talk with a caregiver or clergy member about how to handle these encounters.

4. Should children visit?

In most cases, children should absolutely be included. Many parents have a desire to shelter their children from death and suffering. However, the only way for children to learn how to deal with difficulty is to encounter it in a safe environment.

The most important part of bringing children to visit hospice patients is properly preparing them. Talk with your children about what death is and is not. Talk with them in advance about things they might notice about their loved one that may disturb them. Again, a pastor or caregiver can also be an excellent source to help prepare them for their visit. Also, it’s best to stay in the room with them so you can help them process any difficulty afterward.

Children can actually be the easiest people for terminal patients to talk with. Children tend to treat patients normally when adults often cannot. This makes a child’s visit extremely beneficial to both the patient and the other adults present.

5. When should I visit?

There may be a point at which it becomes inappropriate for you to visit. This will generally be some time very near their end of life. Therefore, the best time to visit is as soon as possible.

Patients are allowed to enter hospice care when they are considered to be less than six months from death. At this point, many patients are still fully able to enjoy time with friends and family. It is important to take advantage of every opportunity to connect with them during this time.

As terminal conditions progress, it may be increasingly difficult to communicate. Now is the time for remembering, sharing, reviving or restoring a relationship, or just letting them know you are there.  Don’t wait. Time goes by quickly, and sometimes death comes more rapidly than expected. Begin now, and you may save yourself regret after your loved one has gone.

Hospice and Palliative Care

At Seasons Hospice, we believe in taking every opportunity to improve our patients’ quality of life. One of the best ways to do that is through connection with family and loved ones. If you believe you or a loved one may be in need of hospice care, please do not hesitate to call us today at 918-745-0222. With locations in Tulsa, OK and Springfield, MO, we will be there for you and your family through every stage of end-of-life care.

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Seasons Hospice is an independent community health care provider, not a large for-profit organization. We would not be able to offer our hospice services if we did not have the support of passionate community members who understand the importance of cost-free hospice care. To simplify the hospice process for patients and families, we rely on the generosity of our donors.